
It's handy to have a resource of easy-to-remember words, especially in the heat of the moment, when words might just fail you. That's why I ended each chapter of It's OK Not to Share with a list of effective words.

Having the right words handy is a godsend. Simply say "It's too hard right now" as you move the child away. This could be sometimes using the wrong sounds in a word, choosing the wrong word, or putting words together incorrectly. She can't stop hitting/ knocking over the tower/ sitting on her sister without adult help. What should we say when we move a child? "It's too hard for you to stop right now." This acknowledges the situation - the child simply can't muster the power to control her impulses at the moment. We need to physically stop her and remove her from the situation. Parents can't always just "use our words" all the time either. If an angry child crosses a boundary, words aren't enough. We all need help knowing what to say in high intensity situations. We either say the wrong thing or we don't say anything. "Words fail me." We don't know what to say. Because when kids are mad they're so busy raging inside about the immediate injustice that words fail them. Sure, she's using her words, but she knows what to say. Soon these words become a second nature. Specifics like this help an angry child know what to do next. That's why offering them exact words to say can work such magic. Which words? What do I say? How do I do it? If we want kids to talk out their differences, instead of slugging each other, we need to give them effective words to say.Įspecially for young kids, who are still developing emotional control and verbal skills, talking while mad is a huge challenge. They give readers the impression that the writer is. Clichés are overworked expressions such as last but not least, in my humble opinion, lifestyle, back to square one, and in the final analysis.


"Use your words" isn't enough information. Remember the words of John Travolta in Get Shorty: I’m not going to say any more than I have to, if that. When there's trouble afoot - a child grabs a toy or pushes someone - it's common to hear a nearby adult say "Use your words." Give them effective, specific tools to solve disputes. "Use your words" is too vague for young kids.
